Showcasing the Book’s Power
The following examples showcase the power of the book’s rules to simplify text. Examples 1-7 are from the book’s Chapter 4. Examples 8-10 are not in the book. Each example presents within a box 2 versions of text separated by the word “versus.” The version preceding “versus” is straight from the source, which is shown parenthetically following the example’s number. The version following “versus” reflects the application of the book’s rules. Thus, the 2 versions are a Before and After presentation. Described below each box are the number of rules used in simplifying the text and the number of words saved. The rules’ application is not presented here; only the end result. For the rules’ application to Examples 1-7, please consult my book A Thinker’s Guide to Effective Writing.
Esteemed books and authors provide the examples. A Wall Street Journal article by Margaret Spellings, U. S. Secretary of Education, supplies Example 3. Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style provides Examples 4 and 5, and The Chicago Manual of Style supplies Example 6. Milton and Rose Friedman’s 1980 book Free to Choose provides Examples 8-10. Mr. Friedman won the 1976 Nobel Prize in Economics. My book has examples of inefficient writing by other economics professors. One would think that economists, of all people, would write economically, but they don’t. Here are the examples:
Example 1 (Hoagland & Stone 58)
In determining the amounts to be accounted for at a foreclosure sale,
it must be remembered that the mortgage secures not only the
principal amount of the debt but all lawful interest as well.
Versus
The mortgage secures the debt’s principal amount plus interest,
for which sum a foreclosure sale must account.
Example 1 uses 6 rules to purge 17 of the sentence’s 34 words.
Example 2 (Thurow 154)
It is true that under the Statute of Frauds … an oral lease for a period of one year is valid and binding on the parties.
Versus
Under the Statute of Frauds, … a 1-year oral lease is valid and binding.
Chapter 2 has another version of Example 2, which here uses 4 rules to purge 12 of 26 words. Clearing the clutter produces a sentence that is more easily understood and that takes less time to parse.
Example 3 (WSJ 4-7-2005, A14)
Therefore, I fully recognize that it is the educators in the states who are closest to the students and it is they who are making this law work … .
Versus
Therefore, I recognize that the states’ educators, who are closest to the students, are making this law work … .
Example 3 uses 3 rules to purge 10 of the 28 words that Margaret Spellings, U. S. Secretary of Education, used in crafting the initial sentence.
Example 4 (Strunk & White xv)
Under the remembered sting of his kindly lash, I have been trying to omit needless words since 1919, and although there are still many words that cry for omission and the huge task will never be accomplished, it is exciting to me to reread the masterly Strunkian elaboration of this noble theme.
Versus
Under the remembered sting of his kindly lash, I have been trying since 1919 to omit needless words. Many words still cry for omission, and the huge task never will be accomplished, but rereading Strunk’s masterly elaboration of this noble theme excites me.
Example 4 uses 5 rules to purge 9 words. The end result is the content’s clearer, more direct expression.
Example 5 (Strunk & White 6)
Note that if the second clause is preceded by an adverb, such as accordingly, besides, then, therefore, or thus, and not by a conjunction, the semicolon is still required.
Versus
If an adverb (such as accordingly, besides, then, therefore, or thus) precedes the 2nd clause, the semicolon is still required.
Example 5 uses 4 rules to purge 9 of 29 words. The result is a briefer and more direct statement of the content.
Example 6 (The Chicago Manual of Style 1993, ix)
It now appears, not unexpectedly, an impossible task to give proper acknowledgment to all of the magnificent assistance received in the preparation of this fourteenth edition … of the Manual.
Versus
To acknowledge all of the magnificent assistance received in preparing this Manual’s 14th edition … would be impossible.
Example 6 uses 5 rules to purge 12 of 30 words. The result is a simple, clear, and direct statement.
Example 7 (Kratovil 59)
It is important to keep in mind the fact that invalidity of the acknowledgment does not make the deed void.
Versus
The acknowledgment’s invalidity does not void the deed.
Beneath the clutter (12 superflous words) was a simple, straightforward sentence. Clearing such clutter is the author’s job. Three rules produced the simplification.
Example 8 (M. Friedman ix)
In any particular case of proposed intervention, we must make up a balance sheet, listing separately the advantages and disadvantages. Our principles tell us what items to put on the one side and what items on the other and they give us some basis for attaching importance to the different items.
Versus
In each case of proposed intervention, we must compose a balance sheet, listing the advantages and disadvantages. Our principles tell us what items go on each side, and they enable us to evaluate each item.
Example 8 uses 3 rules to purge 16 words from 2 sentences.
Example 9 (M. Friedman xi)
Their insistence on combining brevity with both rigor and lucidity forced us to rethink many of our own ideas and to pare them down to essentials. The discussions with them, as well as with the film crews from different countries … helped us to recognize weak points in our reasoning and induced us to search for further evidence. Released from the rigid time constraints of TV, we have been able to take full advantage of these discussions in this book.
Versus
Their insistence on brevity, rigor, and lucidity made us rethink many of our ideas and reduce them to essentials. The discussions with them and the film crews from different countries … helped us to recognize weaknesses in our reasoning and led us to seek more evidence. Without TV’s rigid time constraints, these discussions helped us in writing this book.
Example 9 uses 4 rules to purge 21 words; a mean reduction of 7 words per sentence. Their insistence on brevity was ineffective.
Example 10 (M. Friedman xi)
Television is dramatic. It appeals to the emotions. It captures your attention. Yet, we remain of the opinion that the printed page is a more effective instrument for both education and persuasion.
Versus
Television’s drama appeals to the emotions and captures your attention. Yet to us, the printed page more effectively educates and persuades.
Example 10 uses 3 rules to cut 11 words. The end result simply and clearly expresses the content, and it reads smoothly.
The Preface to the Friedmans’ book supplies Examples 8-10. Their book’s 10 chapters have many other instances of inefficient writing. My book, A Thinker’s Guide to Effective Writing, has clearly-stated guidance for writing efficiently and effectively.
The End. Click on one of the links to the left to exit the Examples.